Posted on August 1, 2025

Have you ever been in a situation where you were told how someone did something to someone else and without even thinking, you began to get upset and immediately got caught up in the emotion and drama? Or maybe it is you that was treated unjustly and you are expressing your emotions and details of the event to friends and family. These situations could revolve around the workplace, home life, personal relationships or even how to bring up your kids.

It is easy for the energy in these situations to escalate, and if you are the person in the middle of all this chaos, you might be feeling confused, stressed and trying to figure out what is the best solution. When family members or close friends are involved, you want to believe that they have your best interest in mind with their suggestions, even if they have never experienced what you are experiencing. You have to know they love you and want the best for you.

I used to jump on the band wagon in supporting friends, co-workers and family members and wanted to voice my suggestions to hopefully help in the matter. For many of these instances, I had never experienced what the person was going through. I did not always understand either the dynamics of the situation or even what the “other side of the story was” especially in workplace situations.

After going through several of my own life-altering challenges, I began to realize that the act of people jumping on the band wagon without even knowing the full story or trying to put themselves in the other person’s shoes is chaotic and crazy-making for everyone involved. Now, when I’m told of a situation or read about it in the news, I try to put myself in both sides’ shoes. Often times the situation is something that I have experienced before and can really relate to how the person is feeling; and the people around me will make their comments about what “really should be done,” but they have never been there.

Nowadays, when I am in the midst of people that are offering their opinions of what should be done, I’ll ask them “Whose shoes are you wearing?” They look at me like I am crazy but will still look down like they need to make sure they are wearing their own shoes. The common response is “My shoes of course, why? What does that have to do with anything?” I just smile and agree that “yes” they are wearing their own shoes. I then ask if they have been through a similar experience and almost always, they respond “no”. I explain that when they feel the need to express what someone else should do in a challenging situation, first look down and think about whose shoes you are wearing.

Most of the time when someone tells you of an event that is happening, they are not necessarily wanting to hear advice or something that happened to you that isn’t even related. They just want you to listen to them and for them to know that they are being heard; without judgement and a list of “should do/feel”. You can then finish with, “Is there anything I can do for you?” This simple act will mean more than anything when you or someone you know are going through some tough times. The simple acts of compassion, empathy and listening will make a difference.

So…next time you hear something on the news, at a family gathering or the neighborhood chatting post just ask yourself – “Whose shoes are you wearing”?